Contains Strong Language, some sensuality, and violence
As we enter the cave the the sound of the wind dies down and soon all we can hear is each other’s breaths. The space around me slowly darkens until I can’t see in front of myself at all. I can hear Kiah and Pan’s hushed breathing, and Clay and Lakota’s paws crunching on the ice and snow.
I turned around, keeping my paws outstretched for Clay and Lakota. I could just make out the speck of light that was the cave’s mouth, then Clay bumped me.
“Finn?” the coyote said.
I grabbed hold of his paw to keep his location, Lakota linked paws with me as well, and we walked on. We all kept our paws slightly outstretched as to not run into anything, and treaded with caution, knowing there could be a dropoff in the darkness. I almost took off my coat, due to the intense amount of warmth. I knew it would still be cold, but compared to the reverse hell outside, it could be paradise.
“Does anybody have a light?” I asked loudly, my voice echoing off the walls of the cave.
The noise of the wind had completely died out now. The only sounds were our muffled breaths, and the shuffling of our paws.
“Is that you, Finn?” Kiah echoed in reply.
I could tell he wasn’t far away.
“Yes, its me.” I yelled back.
“He’s with me and Lakota.” Clay said nonchalantly.
“Okay, I’m with Pan.” Kiah replied.
We know. I thought. You two are inseparable.
“Do you have a light Kiah?” Clay asked to the darkness as we slowly shuffled through the cave.
I heard muffled whispers in the distance. Kiah was probably asking Pan. I took this time to take in the new scents of the cave. A damp and earthy scent swept into my nostrils. Which was not the scent I was expecting from a snow/ice cave, unless the cave was more than Pan said it was.
Clay yanked my paw as I began to straggle behind.
“Finn, you and Nick were friends, right?” Clay asked in a indiscernible tone.
I wished I could see the coyote’s face, to read what he meant by the question. It felt forced to me, like Lakota had put him up to it. I let out a long breath. It’s just Clay, he was a year above you in high school, he helped you with bullies and making friends, he’s a nice guy.
“Yeah, we were friends.” I realized I said “were” and tried to hold back the image of Nick’s corpse.
“Well, I’m sorry-” the coyote began
“We’ve got a light!” I heard Kiah yell.
In the distance I could see a speck of orange, and a paw seemingly holding it midair. As we got closer to the light, I found that Pan was standing next to Kiah holding a lighter. The lettering on its green case had faded off with the snow, but somehow it worked. We all gravitated towards the light like a beacon, I didn’t even know lighters existed after the snow, I figured they were destroyed by the cold.
We all gathered in a circle around it. With our newfound lights we could see each other, although we were all veiled in the darkness of the cave. If I really concentrated I could make out everyone’s illuminated faces. Everyone’s eyes peeked out of the darkness, like in a cartoon when the lights go out.
I followed Clay’s gaze to Pan, then back to me.
“Does anybody have something we can use as a torch?” The coyote asked.
I took a knee and set my pack on the wet ground. Inside I found the items I had carried since this hell had began: my grandfather’s hunting knife (battered, but useful), a spare pair of undergarments (that I’ve never used), an empty water bottle (for melting snow), remnants of a bag of coffee (enough for two or three more cups), a mug (for the coffee), a small pan, one extra large can of pears, and a picture. I take the picture in my paw.
Nick’s blue eyes stare back at me, even when I can barely see I know that his eyes are piercing mine through the picture. Clay nudges me.
“Whatcha got there?” He asked.
“Nothing.” I replied.
“Here let me see.” The coyote began grabbing at my paws.
I quickly stowed the picture in my coat pocket. Then opened my paws for him to feel, he sighed.
“See, nothing.” I said with a tilt of my head.
The rest of the group was rummaging through their packs. I could hear assorted items clinking and swishing through the cave. I saw Kiah’s shadow stand up. Pan was still holding the lighter, looking over the contents in his own bag.
“I can’t find anything.” Kiah said with a shrug.
“Me neither.”
Soon, we all stood up except Pan, who was busy with something in his bag.
“Pan,” Clay began.
“We can’t find anything. Do you have anything?”
The ermine kept digging through his bag. I swore I saw a look of annoyance on his face.
“Pan, do you have anything?” Lakota asked.
Pan stood up, holding two long cylindrical objects. With a quick pulling motion he extended both of them. He threw one to Clay who was standing across from him. The other he gave to Kiah. The otter looked at the object with a puzzled look, turning it over in his paws.
“What is it?” Lakota asked.
“It’s a tube made of steel.” Pan replied.
Clay held the tube upright, and I saw that it was about three feet long, and half an inch thick.
“Why the hell do you carry around steel tubes?” Kiah laughed.
“They were to set up a radio station, if I found more equipment on our travels, but I’ve since given that up.” The ermine replied.
“Anybody have any fabric we could burn?” Lakota asked the group.
When the rest of the group shook their heads or said no, I grabbed the undergarments out of my pack.
“Will these do?” I asked holding them up.
“Yes, those will be fine,” Pan replied.
I could tell Pan was slightly pissed about losing his steel tubes. I wanted to contact civilization, but I also wanted to see, and seeing was more important to me at the moment.
Clay took them from me, and began to wrap some of them around his tube. When he was finished he brought the rest over to Kiah. he exchanged a brief word with the otter than left him to making the torch.
A few moments later, the cave was illuminated better than before, and I could see that the ceiling was nowhere in sight and it seemed as if the cave went on forever. There were a few different paths and tunnels scattered around in front of us.
Clay dug a hole in the snow and ice to put his torch in, while Kiah and Pan were snickering together over some dirty joke. The ermine nearly dropped his torch from laughter.
I was beginning to feel tired. I knew that it could already be night, but I also knew part of my tiredness was stress. The stress of losing Nick. Seeing the picture had not helped, it just brought a tsunami of pain back on me. My body dragged, and all I wanted to do was sleep the shit off. Honestly, I wished I had some whiskey to help me forget.
Lakota seeing my downcast face approached me and put a paw on my shoulder.
“Are you okay?” the she-wolf asked sympathetically.
“Yeah, I’m just tired that’s all.”
Pan stuck his torch in the ground across from Clay’s and bumped Kiah playfully.
“Hey, what the hell man!” I heard Kiah yell. I turned back to Lakota as the otter and ermine began to wrestle like cubs.
“We all are, Finn the world is ending as we know it.” She said with a smile.
Clay shook his head drawing a paw across his face.
“They’re cubs, these are the people I have to survive the apocalypse with, cubs.” He laughed. Kiah rolled on top of Pan as the ermine dodged his blows and pummeling the otter in return. They both got up Pan was holding his glasses in one paw, and his other was patting Kiah on the back. The otter was nursing a bloody nose, now I know not to mess with Pan.
“I win.” The ermine said with a smile. His white teeth lighting up his black fur.
I turned back to speak to Lakota, but Clay was talking to her. I sighed and slowly sat down on the cave floor. The snow penetrated my first layer of clothing, but not the one underneath it. It felt good, to finally be able to sit down and not worry about freezing my ass off.
Soon the rest of the group was sitting down, and chatting by the torchlight. Kiah and Pan were constantly exchanging jokes back and forth, while Lakota and Clay were talking about something more serious. I slowly let sleep take me away…
_____________________________________________________________________________
I wake up in Nick’s bedroom. I’m lying on his bed and someone’s next to me. It’s Nick. I turn over to get him awake, and to my surprise he is completely awake. I look down to find that we’re both completely naked.
Now I know this is a dream.
Nick turns to me, the husky looks me in the eyes. His red fur visible through the darkness of his room.
“My parents are downstairs. We have to be quiet.” He said.
This is definitely a dream, but it’s a dream I never want to end. He’s dead, but part of me wants to live in the moment
“Okay.” I manage to get out before he kisses me. The bed creaks as he climbs on top of me.
Uh oh.
We kiss again, as I trace the lines of muscle on his chest, running my paws through his fur.
I never want this to end.
Someone is coming up the stairs. Nick gets off of me, and whispers for me to hide. I dive into his closet just as the person walks in. Its Clay.
“Finn!” He yells.
I gaze at Nick to see if he’s still on his bed, but he’s gone now.
I’m waking up.
I burst through the closet doors to try and find Nick, but a force hold me back.
No I can’t lose you again! NO! NICK!
A wild winter snow sweeps over the entire room burying it, then slowly burying me. It suffocates me. My eyes are filled with white.
______________________________________________________________________________
I shoot up as I awaken.
“Finn,”
I turn groggily to find Clay squatting next to me. I could make out the rest of the group eating something over by one of the torches.
“I thought you should get up, you’ve been sleeping forever.” The coyote said nicely.
I place a paw on the cold ground to steady myself. I look back up at Clay still squatting next to me. The guilt of Nick’s death hits me again. I just took him for granted again.
“Come on get up,” The coyote said as he patted a paw on my back.
“No, five more minutes it’s not a school day.” I laughed closing my eyes in mockery.
“Really, Finn, come on.” The coyote said as he stood up.
I slowly stood up after him.
“Why don’t you go take a walk for a minute,” Clay started.
I gave him a quizzical look, and glimpsed the rest of the group chatting and laughing about something.
“Why?” I asked.
“You’ve, um…” I followed the coyote’s gaze down.
“Oh,” I said embarrassed, adjusting my pants.
“Don’t stray to far from the camp.” Clay called after me.
I nodded, as he returned to the rest of the group.
Damn it I thought.
Why do I have such a vivid imagination?
Then it the guilt train hit me again. Nick is dead. What happened in the dream will never happen again. I’ll never be able to look him in the eyes again.
When I feel decent, I return to the group, who have already finished eating and are now discussing scouting out more of the cave. Oddly, I glimpse Clay eying Lakota, before I even return to the circle. I’m still shaken up about Nick, but I try not to let it show as I sit down with the rest of the group.
“Finn, you’re finally awake!” Kiah laughed.
“Yeah,” I forced a chuckle.
“Well, sorry to leave you so soon Finn, but me and Pan are going to scout out the cave.” Kiah said, pointing to his chest.
I looked over at Clay, then to Lakota, they seemed okay with it.
“You wanna come?” The otter asked.
I looked around at the group. Lakota was propped up on her paws and she shrugged. Clay said nothing.
“No, I’ll stay with Clay and Lakota.” I replied.
I still felt drained, from the whole ordeal with Nick, and I knew it would only get worse, with each passing day unless I shared with someone.
Kiah walked over next to me and tapped the coyote on the shoulder.
“Do you mind if Pan and I use one of the torches?” He asked.
“Sure, just bring it back.” Clay replied.
I quickly gazed at Kiah’s green eyes. When they had begun to walk away, Lakota turned her yellow eyes to Clay’s.
“They are like two little kids.” Lakota said laughing at her own joke.
I gave the she-wolf a puzzled look, raising an eyebrow. The light had significantly dimmed when Kiah and Pan disappeared into the blackness. Now, all I could see of Lakota was a shadowy silhouette with two yellow eyes. I turned to Clay looking him in the eyes. The conversation halted for a moment, awkwardly. We all sat there on the cold snow floor waiting for someone to start the talk back up.
For the first time in months I didn’t feel cold enough to light a fire. I could sit with friends and enjoy company without worrying about freezing to death. Beyond our torches the cave was dark. Our little camp was a small patch of light in a huge sea of darkness.
I nudged Clay and asked if he had any food. I wasn’t hungry, but I needed something to distract me from this awkward silence. The coyote shook his head so I walked a few paces to get my water bottle out of my pack. As I unzipped my bag, I heard Clay get up. I didn’t turn around, I figured he was just going to take a piss. I turned around with my water bottle in one of my paws. I was startled to see Clay sitting very close to Lakota.
The wolf leaned her head against the coyote’s shoulder and put her hand on his chest. I sat down across from them, one of Clay’s paws had disappeared completely behind Lakota’s back, while the other rested on her leg.
I clear my throat, hoping it will interrupt whatever the fuck is going on. The she-wolf shoots up. She hadn’t even noticed me. Clay had given me a disparaging look when I came and sat down.
“Hello, Finn’s still here.” I cooed.
Lakota pushed Clay off her with a smile.
“We just needed to keep warm.” Clay said mischievously.
“Sure you did.” I teased.
Lakota stifled a laugh.
“What were you honestly doing?” Lakota asked turning her focus to the coyote sitting a few feet away from her.
“Keeping warm.” He replied.
“Really?” She said in a stern tone.
“Really.” Clay said looking directly into her eyes.
I knew then that something could be going on between the wolf and the coyote. I had seen them do similar things once or twice before. Kiah and I joked that they had sex while we were asleep, with the wind to cover the noise, they’d never get caught.
I decided to take the conversation away from this downward spiral.
“So, Lakota, do you have any family?” I asked connecting her yellow eyes with mine in the dark.
“I have a good family right here,” The she-wolf began in loving voice.
“Although one member can be quite silly at times.” She said with a smile.
“Kiah?” Clay asked with a smile.
“Who do you think?” Lakota replied.
“Did you have any family before all this?” I asked stifling my laughter.
“Before the winter?” She replied.
“Yes,” I stated.
Clay stood up and walked over to me. He took a seat a couple of feet away and began toying with the zipper of his coat.
“Yes, I did. A husband and two cubs. They’re both gone now.” She stated, casting her gaze down at the floor.
Clay looked up from his coat and gazed at the wolf. I figured he felt bad for her, just like I did. If anyone could even come close to what she was going through it would be me. Having just lost Nick I instantly became more attached to the she-wolf then I used to be. Next time she’s alone I’ll talk to her about him.
“How did they die?” Clay said with a twinge of compassion in his voice.
“Clay-” I scolded, shocked that he would even ask such a terrible question.
“No, it’s alright Finn. Are you sure you want to hear it Clay?” Lakota asked sadly.
“As long as Finn is fine with it, I’m fine with it.” Clay replied.
I nodded,
“The snow had already covered everywhere in our small town. We decided to stay in our apartment, but soon explored the rest of the floor, to find that it was safe to enter. The snow hadn’t reached the floor we were on, 11th, so we had a big space to live for a while. While the electricity didn’t work, my husband found a pair of vending machines and he broke them open. For a while we lived peacefully. Surprisingly, we never saw another soul on the floor, if anyone was up there they must have hidden when we went exploring. My older son, Ash, who was nine…”
Lakota was choking back tears.
“Always,” She sniffled.
“Loved to explore.”
I turned to Clay who was listening intently to the she-wolf’s life story. I felt a tear drip down my face.
“Fennix, my younger son, was only five. He idolized his brother and was always with him. I loved Ash for putting up with his little brother even when it made him look bad to his friends at school.”
She breathed in a deep breath to calm herself. She looked very distressed already.
“My husband, Kit slowly drew away from me every day. After a month of staying in the apartment complex, he didn’t do hardly anything with the kids, after two months, he began to abuse me and hurt them. I think he did it out of boredom, he had loved his children a lot before the snow.”
I could see Clay was significantly distressed by Lakota’s pain. Maybe he has pain of his own.
“One day I went through all the rooms, checking the refrigerators for leftover food. I had left Ash and Fennix to play in our room. I came back with an unopened bag of doritos, half a cheese pizza, and a bottle of wine. I threw the pizza out as soon as I got to a trash can. I thought me and Kit could share the wine while the kids had the doritos. As I was turning the corner to our hall, I heard screams. My children’s screams.”
Oh fuck I thought.
“The screaming stopped suddenly and I rushed towards the door, dropping all the food. I entered the room to find my two lovely children hanging from the ceiling fan. Their necks were tied with electrical wire. Kit was standing behind them. He snarled savagely at me and charged. I dodged, tripping him, he fell face first onto the threshold. Then…”
She paused for a moment. Her eyes full of guilt and sorrow.
“I crushed his head with the door. The first couple times were excruciating. I heard him groan when it split his muscle and bone, but after he stopped moving it was easier. I think I overkilled him if I’m honest. In my heart I knew it was self-defense, but I still felt like shit about it. I took Ash and Fennix outside and buried them, and have never returned to that city since.”
I don’t even know what to say. It takes guts to spill out your grief like that. I didn’t want to speak, and I knew Clay didn’t either.
“I’m so sorry.” I managed to get out.
“Me too,” Clay said, piggybacking off me.
We sat in an awkward silence for a few minutes, Clay began to be mesmerized by his zipper again.
Lakota shifted her body as if to say something else, but I heard footsteps in the distance. They were coming from the way Kiah and Pan had gone. They sounded haphazard. We all turned to the sound. I tried to catch his scent, but it was too hard with Lakota and Clay near me. Slowly the otter appeared from the darkness, he wasn’t carrying the torch.
“Where’s Pan!” Clay shouted.
“Clay, settle down.” Lakota scolded.
“I got seperated from him, I followed my nose best I could back to you guys. I tried to call for him, but he didn’t answer.” The otter stated out of breath.
I saw Lakota’s eyes go wide. She didn’t want to lose another family member. Neither did I. Clay grabbed the other torch from the snow.
“Let’s go, Kiah you lead the way.” Clay instructed.
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